By Paige Boehlert
I hated cross country last year but I hate it even more this year.
I hate running because I feel so dead while racing. You know when you sleep on your arm and wake up and you feel like its gone. That’s how I feel when I’m running. My whole body is numb, it’s the weirdest feeling ever. I also feel like I can’t breathe. I’m breathing so hard when I’m running it’s like I can’t catch up with my own breath. My legs feel so heavy like weights are strapped to my legs. I have cinder blocks for shoes.
I hate it because I feel like my ribs are going to snap. I don’t always get cramps or side aches but when I do it legit feels like I just broke my rib. I’ve never broken a rib, but I looked it up.
I hate it because towards the end of the season our trails start to smell like rotting fish. I want to hold my breath because the air is putrid, but I have to breathe when I’m running. When you’re running it’s already hard for me to breathe so when I get a whiff of rotting fish I want to puke.
I hate it so much during the race that I want to fall and hurt myself on purpose. I wish I didn’t have to be running during the race so I’m thinking that if I hurt myself I won’t have to finish. But if I really did get hurt then I wouldn’t be able to do anything other than sitting around. So hurting myself just so I don’t have to finish the race might not be worth it.
This year I hate that we can’t travel because even though I hate running, I did like to see my friends, get out of Ketchikan and earn Alaska Airline miles. Traveling is usually the best part of the season so the fact that we couldn’t do that really sucks. We got to go to Sitka over the weekend. It was nice to finally travel and run with people. It was boring because we couldn’t do anything and no one came.
I hate running because it gets boring really fast, but in practice, I talk with Morgan which makes my side hurt which makes me think about my ribs.
But, I hate the thought of not challenging myself and I especially hate the thought of quitting. I could never quit something that has taught me so much. Like my strength, my endurance, my boundaries, and my mind. I don’t want to be seen as the quitter. I want to be the kind of person who pushes people to be and do their best. I don’t want to be the person that quits everything. I cannot become this person by quitting things. Even if I hate them.